I wonder if I ever cross your mind, for me it happens all the time.

Do you ever wonder if people from your past think about you? I sometimes wonder if people like sunshine or sofaking or tc think of me. I wonder if I ever cross number twelve's mind. Sometimes I think about them and how they're doing and I wonder what happened to us and how we got here. How did we get here? How could we be so far from the people we used to be? It was only 4 years ago. The person I was then and now are not even comparable. The people I thought would be in my life forever have been gone for a long time. 

I've been watching one tree hill and in this season it's four years since they graduated high school. It's hit me much harder than it did before. In fact I've been bawling for a good two hours. The changes in friends and family and life and dreams has all changed. Everything's changed. I don't even know who I used up be then. I have trouble wrapping my head around love. I have trouble wrapping my head around caring so much for someone and not speaking to them for years. 

I know you're supposed to come to terms with the fact that this is life. Things change in the real world and you just have to roll with it. But I don't understand it. I can't understand it. There's no course that teaches you how to make the right decision when you grow up. Or who to keep in your life forever. Who are you supposed to be? How do you get through the tough patches? Is it ever going to get easier?