You know, I'm pretty pathetic. Like actually though. I drive by number twelve's house like I'm a fucking stalker. I can't help myself. I just always want to see if he's home. I guess it's creepy to a certain degree but at the same time, I know if I ever found out that he did that I'd be flattered. I remember one time I drove by his work. I stopped in the parking lot and literally bawled my eyes out because I just wanted to be near him, to see him. It was pathetic and I knew it. Later on a few weeks later he told me he almost came outside, I told him I almost came inside. He asked why I didn't. I didn't know, it didn't seem appropriate. He told me he missed me too and he wished I'd had come inside just to see him, just to talk that night.
I think it's hard because I know right now it's not right for him to be in my life. I know he has to go to Texas and finish school and grow and learn and love. That doesn't make me miss him any less. It doesn't make it any easier to not see him. It doesn't make me stop thinking about him every day. I just want for it to get easier one of these days, to hurt less.
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