i feel good today. i'm done classes for the week, i feel up to doing homework. i think i might apply for a job today. i'm looking at taking the proserve test right away and just living. i'm not going home this weekend. it's kind of weird. this is the first weekend i will have spent in calgary for the entire weekend since i moved here. it sounds stupid but i really love home. and when i'm not home, i'm in lethbridge. or jamaica i suppose.
i thought i'd be lonely, but it feels kind of liberating. i live alone and you'd think i get lonely, but mostly i get bored, not lonely. i've learned i'm not such bad company and i think i really needed to learn that. mom and i had a conversation about how good it's been for me to live in calgary, even though i'm home lots. it made me realize the things that are really important to me, like my family and my friends. i had to learn which friends i actually wanted in my life and realize which ones were good friends, not fun friends. i think it's important to have both because sometimes, just having fun is necessary and other times having someone to confide in or having someone put you in your place is necessary.
i'm glad i came here because i learned for sure that i'm okay on my own. i really can do this. i have time for myself to actually think, and to do my homework instead of feel like i need to save everyone. i don't know, i think it was important for me to realize how thin i was spreading myself and to realize i''ll be okay without some people in my life. i needed to realize i can live without sunshine, ironically part of why i picked calgary was for him.
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