This should be a job?

I kind of just want to go to University forever. Can I just take undergraduate classes in everything?

I'm the type of person who, when I'm old and retired or rich, I will just take classes that are interesting for fun not for credit. I love learning and knowledge and I would take undergraduate classes forever if someone would pay me to.

May Angels lead you in.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

Oh life.

I'm in a funny space right now. There is an overwhelming amount on my mind and nothing on my mind at the same time. I have so many things I want to do in my life. I am thinking of getting two jobs for the summer while I'm going to school. I know I sound absolutely crazy. I am just looking forward to being in Leth I think because no one is here so I have the opportunity to really work on myself. 

I am looking forward to being healthy and I'm looking into maybe taking a yoga class or something just for me. I think that's something I really lack in my life here, something just for me. 

I am looking for another job because I don't think that I can spend all summer at Moxie's. I don't want to be miserable all summer. I want to work somewhere that I enjoy. I want to be happy when I go to work. 

I am looking forward to school. I think my classes will be good haha one is an English Poetry class which I'm pretty nervous about but I love the prof so that's the most important part. I am also looking at taking two online classes which would be ideal because then I could get rid of one of my classes which would provide a more open availability and make my fall easier. 

I think there's just so much going on with everything in the last week. I think everything with BB's funeral and seeing all those people. I also am in a very weird place after visiting number twelve on Thursday night. I am just kind of over being treated like this. I think I am going to send him his box of letters and sweater and just tell him that I just cannot be involved at all unless he wants to be completely involved. I cannot and will not do the half assed bullshit anymore. I'm just at the point where I'm not giving up, I just don't have anything left to give. He has everything and I just don't know what else to do but to completely release where I stand and leave it up to him to pursue if he wants to leave it forever. 

I don't want easy, I want crazy.

I don't want good and I don't want good enough.
I want can't sleep, can't breathe without your love.

No words left.

My heart hurts.

Live.

After everything, I have one thing to say: live.

some bend, some break.

My heart hurts. Or it's numb. Or I just don't really have any idea what to feel anymore. How to feel.

it's not supposed to be like this.

It's pretty amazing how far we've come with technology. I haven't talked to mom since last Monday because she's on her cruise and I'm basically on the verge of a mental breakdown. I miss her so much and I know that she would be able to say something that would make things better and make me believe that BB had to die for a reason. I just don't understand why so many lives must be lost so young.

Every day

That awkward moment when you listen to a song that completely reminds you of someone you’re not supposed to be missing.

Broken spirit.

I just feel broken.

Static.

I'm kind of tired of being the one that puts more into friendships. It's sometimes really hard being mature and motivated and ambitious. Like tonight I hung out with arguably my 3 best friends throughout middle and high school and I just feel old and boring around them. Around my friends, that's normal. We with movies and have one or two drinks instead of 10. It's not even that I care that they have 22 drinks.. It's that they judge when I only have 1 or 2. They make me feel bad for wanting to be successful ad taking my education and career seriously.
Even when I saw NB the other day she said she wasn't even really sure she wanted to teach etc. and I was just like doesn't anybody have ambitions? Like doesn't anybody that I was close with in high school want to move forward?

Only the good die young.

I'm so unbelievably tired of death.

Every single day.

I love him.

read these

http://globalnews.ca/news/431293/alberta-family-opens-up-about-their-loss-as-number-of-teen-suicides-grows/


http://globalnews.ca/news/435104/alberta-high-school-students-raise-funds-and-awareness-for-suicide-prevention/

Sometimes you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

Somebody out there is holding my somebody somewhere.

He is.

I must confess that on my way into town tonight I had to drive by his house to see if he was here.

Just a stranger on a bus.

What if God was one of us?

This just made me cry.

Ellen.

I honestly love Ellen DeGeneres. She is so wonderful. Like she is so kind-hearted and she is seriously hilarious. I think it's great because she gives practical gifts. I mean yes a trip to Disneyland is a lovely giveaway, but giving a family 1000 dollars worth of gas and grocery cards are going to be a whole lot more useful to families struggling to get by than a trip to Disneyland. I just think that she is really a good down to earth person.

I wanna love like Johnny and June.

They don't make love like that anymore, is that too much to be asking for?