Silly girl.

The down side of the whole BR situation is that I'd love to be friends with benefits with him. I mean honestly, we all need it sometimes. And I don't want to date him but he is ideal for an fwb relationship. He's incredibly attractive, well-endowed and knows what he's doing. He's a good friend too so that's nice. But that's stressful and I have no idea how to bring that up.. at all!
I hate it because I just want to shake J. I want to say to him what the fuck do you want?! What the fuck else do you want from me?! I just don't know what else to do to make it clear to him. And I'm okay to ease into it but I need some signs. Something to make sure I know it's worth the wait. I mean if I showed up to work with flowers waiting, no card necessary tomorrow or received an invite for wine anything that he initiates. I need that, so badly.