Discouraged.

I'm a little bit discouraged with the whole idea of dating and boys and relationships. I just feel like I'm kind of sad about the Court thing. I mean I just started to enjoy what it was like to have a male pay attention to me. I like that he was interested and made and effort to talk to me. Then he just kind of stopped and I don't know why. He texted me tonight and it was kind of a combination of pissed off and happy.
He invited me to come have a drink with them but I wasn't finished work in time. It's probably better I didn't go considering the week I had. And especially considering I haven't really spoken to him all week because I probably would have had 2 drinks then been rude about it.
Mostly I just feel discouraged because he's uninterested. And I shouldn't be because I know I have value and I deserve to find a wonderful man. I just feel like it'd be nice to have someone want me. I honestly just want someone to lay next to in bed and talk to about nothing. I want someone to just want me.

It's hard because things have been great with J this week. He's made me laugh and he's flirted hard core. He's been very sweet and fun which I appreciate. Tonight he told a girl we had sex and I turned beet fucking red. I was so stunned he said that out loud in front of me to this girl I got up and left the office. I probably should have laughed but I was just like this is so awkward because we haven't. 
I guess I just feel discouraged because I never find boys. I was so involved with number twelve for so long that I was finally excited to be excited about J and M. I was excited to feel about boys again.
J is a whole nother ball game.  The whole boss thing really fucks with things.