You are priceless.

I think what's difficult for me regarding J sometimes is that I get sick of being alone. I feel like everyone I know has found someone or at least has a short span between their string of someones. And I think that's a significant part of why I held on so tightly to the idea of number 12 and I. I wanted to still have someone even though it was painful and challenging and toxic at times. There were also some fundamental differences between the way that number 12 and I were raised.
I think that's something I admire in J. He idolizes his mother. He saw her strength. And he was raised properly. He was raised to be kind and intelligent and to treat others, especially women, well. And sure he can be an arrogant asshole who's too obsessed with himself and a cocky smartass. But I think at the end of the day he has a great heart and he loves and cares deeply for others. He's been broken though, so he hides it. And that's something I see mirrored in myself. He makes me believe that I could be great with somebody other than number 12. He makes me believe in my own self worth and that is priceless.