It's a spring break up, baby bye bye.

I am so nervous to admit out loud that I am actually interested in somebody else. And I don't mean an attractive bartender at a pub or a head-turning trainer at the gym. I mean someone who is a real human being that I engage in conversations with regularly.
I think the terrifying part is that he is absolutely everything I've ever seen myself with. He's older and he has his life together. He is intelligent and well-dressed and he has the ability to love. He wears suits everyday but can also dress up dark jeans. He is thoughtful and kind and makes me laugh. He has money, and I don't honestly care about the money-- I care about what it represents: ambition, hard work, intelligence, appreciation.
He was raised well. And I know that's a weird thing to find attractive about a human being but he was. We were joking about how I wasn't allowed to wear sweatpants to school and he's like yeah, because you aren't trash. And he's right. I was raised to value myself, to believe in my value and to project my value to the world.
He cares about working out and eating well. This is a huge thing for me because it is a lifestyle. And I don't honestly believe a relationship can be successful when one person seriously values these things and they are at the bottom of their partner's priority list.
He loves to travel. He is Greek and Italian and he loves to travel. I am honestly sitting here with stupid little butterflies in my stomach while I write about him. I get giddy, but in a way that I am trying desperately, to control my giddiness.
He is exactly the type of man I have always seen myself with.
Except one thing, he's not number twelve. The scary part of admitting I am developing feelings for J means that I am acknowledging that I might have been wrong. That I might have spent 3 years longing for someone who I didn't really need to long for. That I might be able to love somebody else wholly. That I might really have been too young to understand my own feelings. That I can be more than okay without him; that I can be excellent with someone else.