believe.

Tonight I told DVZ a huge part of the number twelve story. I kind of gave her a Sparks Notes version. It was weird though. Going over it in my head start to finish just sounds so unbelievably ridiculous. And it was so funny because she asked if I've spoken to him since the other night I said no because I was afraid. And she's like you're over-thinking it. You love him. If you want to talk to him, just talk to him. There's history and I get why you're scared, it's understandable. 

It was interesting because she wasn't judgy about it. And I am always a little bit uneasy telling people about it because they are extremely judgemental about the sofaking part of the situation. And I'm not denying it was wrong and that I made a terrible mistake but I firmly believe that there were other things in our relationship that led to that bad decision. That doesn't make it okay, but it means there's a bigger picture to be observed. 

I just laugh a little bit to myself because at this point, so much has happened that I don't even know what to say. I just know I still love him. I know that I still get butterflies and weak knees. And when I decide to settle down, I want to be with someone that can turn my entire stomach upside down. I want to be with someone who can make my heart skip a beat. I want to be with someone who can say absolutely nothing, but the sight of him makes me believe everything will be okay. I believe in that kind of love because I've been there. And I can't imagine settling for anything less than that in my life.