i've been thinking.

i used to think that there was one kind of love. well two, but in the sense of being "in love" there was only one.
lately, i've been thinking differently. i used to think that how i felt about sunshine is what it feels like to be "in love". if i were to describe how i felt in words (may i add that no words can describe how exactly i felt about him) how he made me feel, i'd say that i was so interested in everything in his life. his voice, his smile, his eyes, a simple text message took my breath away. i was willing to give up who i am for him, and i did. i was ashamed of where i come from and i always wanted to be who he needed me to be. i still lose my breath when i see him. and i still think about him probably daily. i thought it was the kind of thing that i would always plan my life around.
lately, i've been thinking i might be falling in love with number 12. it's different though. i don't lose my breath when i talk about him. i don't try to be someone i'm not though either. i don't feel like he's judging me, it's like he wants to be a part of my life and know me for who i am, not who he wants me to be. and yeah, we fight and we argue and we disagree on numberous things. but he's always there. he's always the one i go back to. when we aren't together i want to be with him. i miss him, little things. i hate when i can't just lay in his arms. i hate when i can't just have a big hug because we don't live in the same city. i want everything in his life to work out. it's entirely different. i can't even explain it. he's so important to me. it's not about this connection where we always know what's going on with the other one, we know when something's wrong we just i don't know.