barely breathing.

and i'm really worried. really, really worried. and being an hour and a half away just isn't fair to do this. it's not fair to send me a picture of her all attached to tubes and wondering if she's okay. i can't study because i'm worried. but i can't worry because i'm stressing about how much i need to study. and i'm so worried because i want number 12 to just come hold me in his arms. and i'm such a horrible person for that. i don't want to be with him i just don't want to let him out of my life either. i'm not ready. i need someone to just tell me she's gonna be okay. and that i am not the worst person in life because i'm not ready to lose another person i really care about. and that i'll be able to finish all my homework. and that it's okay for me to cry.