i wish i loved him. i know how weird that sounds, to wish you loved someone. i care about him, i really do but i'm not in love with him. he makes me smile and it's really nice to know someone cares about you as much as he cares about me, especially because he doesn't care about anything, or so he lets people believe. he loves me, i know he does. i can tell by the way he looks at me, the way he tells stories about me and the way he speaks to me.
i wish i could love him back because it's really hard to find someone that would do anything to avoid breaking your heart. however, in our relationship, i'm always trying to make sure i don't break his heart again. i don't want to put him through what i went through for three years. it's not fair and it's painful. i really do love him, i'm just not in love with him. and i wonder if that's enough.
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