Half cut rant.

Yeah, I'm the bitch. I'm rude and arrogant and I will tell you the last thing you want to hear. But I am honest. If you win my heart, I will love you unconditionally. I was defend you and protect you because that's who I am. I will do my best to tell the truth when I think it's in your best interest and I will encourage you to be your best self. I am the girl who keeps her word, the one you can count on. So appreciate it, but please don't take advantage of it.

Proof again.

Great night here. I'm more than satisfied. Just another reason why I'm friends with boys.

Cue rant.

Going on an actual tour is like THE net thing we could have done for ME and my friendship. Seriously, she is so high maintenance and bitches about everything. I expected it, but not quite to the degree it's been.
It is so nice to have people that go in the water and are living in the moment instead of sitting worrying about having sand on your legs and missing your boyfriend at home. It is two weeks. Yes I miss my family but my world isn't ending without them.
We have met some brilliant people that are do interesting to talk to and just have fun. They drink and laugh and enjoy instead of freaking out about no wifi or a bug in Costa Rica. I hate hugs but you're in fucking Costa Rica. I course there is fucking bugs.
Today our tour leader B, got ME and I a room with wifi and when ME was in the shower I want to B's room and I was just like OH MY GOSH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! She honestly save me from a shitload of bitching in the next two days. I'm satisfied with this place, the beach is beautiful and I'm not letting anyone ruin this beauty.

True love.

It is/was number 12's birthday. May 6. I wish I could somehow make it better for him even though I'm thousands of miles away.

For the win

I somehow managed to get an A on stats hahaha I have absolutely no idea how but go me.

Wish me luck!

I'm going canyoneering today. If I die, I love you!

8 days.

It's beautiful in Costa Rica but I an surprisingly homesick

Costa Rica

In costa rica right now. It's so hot I've been so drained. It's like 730 and I'm in bed almost asleep. We have to be up at like 530. We have both been so tired after like 5 hours outside.
Yesterday we were tired from traveling the day before and we spent like 4 hours outside and both of us were just drained. Today we spent an hour outside, then we went to the jaguar rescue center which was outside but shaded for about 2 hours and then we went to the beach for like 2 and a Hal hours and we've been in our room since like 430 just exhausted. We leave at like 6 am so hopefully I will be asleep at like 9.

ZG's text from Thailand

Pulling a classic brooke.. Cramming 3 stressful situations into a retardedly small amount of time
Hahaha she's so right. This is exactly what I do. I finish exams tomorrow then move home tomorrow then leave Saturday morning hahaha. Epitome of how I work my life

one more day.

I have so much cleaning/packing/studying shit to do. Fuckkkk that. I don't want to. I just want to go home today.

see ya stats

Done stats forever, thank gosh. I think I may actually have failed. I've never had a test where I legitimately do not know the answers or understand what the question is asking to even bullshit an answer enough to resemble what he's talking about. It was the worst exam I have ever written, by far.
Oh well, over now. One more exam tomorrow, then off to Costa Rica. yaaaayy

10+2

And every night I lay in bed thinking of you and how the only love I know is true for people and things and places belongs to you.

Library thoughts.

I realized today I don't really like number twelve's sister. It's not that she's not nice to me, she is. I just find it fake sometimes. I don't enjoy her immaturity and love for gossip. That's not who I am. And I tried to get close to her for a long while, to hold onto him in someway. But they aren't the same. And that's the exact opposite of what he wanted. He used to tell me all the things he loved about me. And they were all things completely opposite of her. And I think I understand now wht he meant.
Not that he doesn't love her. It's just different. They have a different relationship than I do with my sisters. I know the boy girl thing changes it and I know my sisters and I are closer than most siblings but I think I just understand it better now.

it's funny how time passing by can change your perspective.

Today is sunshine's birthday. And for the first time, I'm not saying happy birthday. I don't know, I suppose I'm really over that. I have been reminiscing a lot lately, thinking about high school and the person I used to be. I started thinking about the people I was close with and the things we used to do.
I feel so distant from that person. I don't even know how I was that person, or why I thought I needed to be 'good enough' for them. I don't know it just seems like such a different time, 3 years ago. It's crazy to think that this time 3 years ago my Japanese students just went home. Sunshine was in England with AM and his family. I think about AM sometimes, (not AM I usually talk about). I wonder how he is and I hope his life is going well. I think in a lot of ways he got caught up in their appeal. He's nothing like them though. He is a really good, genuine guy.
I think I'm just so happy I moved on. I wish I would have done some things differently, sure. But I really do think that I've become a better person. I was more selfless then, but I was unhealthy. And unhappy. I sometimes feel like my friends are so stagnant. They are complacent. And I understand, I mean if you aren't pursuing something, knowledge, courage, or something worth while, you are going to remain complacent. Especially when you are friends with the same people, in the same town, doing the same thing every weekend.
I should really get to the library and study, I just was thinking. Silly me.

new york, new york.

I want to live in New York. I want to work at a private school. I want to leave this place.

Crash.

In any real city, you walk, you brush past people, and people bump into you. In L.A, nobody touches you. We’re always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other just so we can feel something.

so please, face it already.

"facing the truth is so much easier than all the time and energy it takes to run from it."

a-z

A. Why my last relationship ended.

We have a whole lot of issues for 19 year olds. It's scary being this in love at such a young age. We both need time to grow and mature and find what we want in life.

B. Favourite band.

I don't think I could pick just one. I'm on a major Hunter Hayes kick and I've been listening to lots of old school country when I'm not listening to 8tracks.

C. Who I like and why I like them.
I was going to say number 12 but I don't really like him. I actually strongly dislike him because I love him.
I don't know the kid but I meet a new dude the other day and he's hot so maybe him?

D. Hardest thing I’ve ever been through.

Sabotaging myself.

E. My best friend.

I don't know if I have a best friend. I used to always think LG was my best friend but we don't really talk much anymore and it's not that I don't love her, I just think our lives are going in different directions. I have a lot of great people in my life that matter to me but as far as a best friend, my sister is probably it.

F. My favourite movie.

The Notebook. (Cliche, I know but I really love it). Or Sex and the City.

G. Sexual orientation.

Straight as a ruler.

H. Do I smoke/drink?

Mm yeah I don't smoke because I think it's gross. I like to party sometimes but I'm much more content to drink casually. You know, a glass of wine or two, or a drink after work.

I. Have any tattoos or piercings?

Pierced ears and one tattoo on my hip.

J. What I want to be when I get older.

I wish I knew. Any suggestions?

K. Relationship with my parents.

I love my parents. We've had our issues, but I love them and I talk to both of them almost every day.

L. One of my insecurities.

I don't know where to start.

M. Virgin or not?

Hahaha.

N. Favourite place to shop at?

I don't have a favourite store. I like my jeans. And I like shoes.

O. My eye colour.

Brown.

P. Why I hate school.

I don't hate school, I actually love school. I love the idea of pursuing knowledge. I love the idea of learning and growing and changing but I realize it's easier said than done.

Q. Relationship status as of right now.

Single and ready to mingle! Haha kidding, I'm single and I'm not entirely sure where I stand with it.

R. Favourite song at the moment.

Storm Warning- Hunter Hayes

Every time I hear your name- Keith Anderson

Someone Like You - Adele

S. A random fact about myself.

You know how most people like to wear bare feet at their house? I hate it. I hate not having socks on. My feet get cold.

T. Age I get mistaken for.

23-28.

U. Where I want to be right now.

Wherever he is. Or on a beach somewhere. Or in Africa at an orphanage/school.

V. Last time I cried.

Last night.

W. Concerts I’ve been to.

Lots. Taylor Swift, Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood, Jay-Z, Kanye West, Rihanna, Black Eyed Peas, Big and Rich, Rodney Atkins, Emerson Drive, Terri Clark, George Canyon, Rascal Flatts....etc.

X. What would you do if you got pregnant?

"Fall" down the stairs. Actually I have no idea what I'd do. I would flip the fuck out because I am in no way shape or form ready for a child.

Y. Do you want to go to college?

I'm in university and I love it. I can't imagine not getting an education, that's just the way it always was.

Z. How are you?

Ready to go on vacation. I could bitch about a lot of things that I'm unsatisfied with and unhappy about but at the end of the day I'm happy and healthy and really quite lucky. I'm thankful for all I do have.

last class bash.

I suppose I can tell you about my LCB shenanigans now. I can't even believe myself and the ridiculousness that day warranted. I got up, wrote my test and got my lab assignment back. I got 96% and it basically made my day. Then I went to TK's house and started drinking mimosas. Her and SM and I went for lunch and had more drinks, then we went back to TK's house and I drank a 26 of vodka. We went to LCB around 2? Actually to be honest I have absolutely no idea what time we went to LCB at. I do know that when we got there TK and I decided we should probably start double fisting. 

So needless to say, my alcohol consumption for the day included my full day's calories. Then somehow I ended up at RD's house hahaha. The issue is that his mattress was upstairs in the living room.. so basically we had to maneuver it down stairs (while I was in underwear I may add) into his room. 

Somehow, I also lost my id, sweater, and sunglasses. But don't worry, I remember everything else for the day. 

Owie

I had a killer workout yesterday. I actually learned so much from studying for my resistance training final. Today I am sooo sore it's not even funny. My legs are dead and my whole body aches.