i really love number twelve.

alrighty well i'm gonna go take some nyquil and take advantage of number 12 or more likely the other way around and go to bed. have a wonderful night.

despite fear of being used.

i feel about 1000 times better than when i got here due to excessive (if excessive sex is even possible) amounts of great sex since i arrived.

in light of s' wedding dress posts.

well i planned to post a picture of the engagement ring i want since s posted some beautiful wedding gowns but apparently you can't save or copy the picture so here's a link...
://www.tiffany.ca/Engagement/item.aspx?GroupSku=GRP10001&selectedSku=23872722#f+0/0/0/0/0/0
good news: it's ONLY $47 900 canadian

cowtown.

so i decided to visit number twelve for the weekend. i kinda wanted to go to animal drinking day (today you have to drink a type of alcohol that includes an animal.. ex. grey goose). instead i decided to come here, like i was really hard to convince. i'm not sure what to think right now. i want to believe he's too good of a person and he still cares about me but i almost feel like this is about sex for him. and it kinda crushes me. i'm a pretty big mess. and i think he can see i'm upset because he keeps asking what's wrong. a huge  part of it is that he has a picture of nh. re: the girl i can't stand that he took to the wedding. and it hurts me that he has no pictures of him and i here. i know it's silly but i just wanna feel important to him. and i know that's a shallow thing to care about and our relationship should be based on more and it is, but sometimes the little things mean the most.

worst part of living alone.

1) you have to clean everything yourself.
2) you have to pay for things.
3) you have no one to take care of you when you're sick.

check yes.

bahaha he just left. woo wooo. now i can go about my cooking and studying as per usual.

it's his house bahaha

i'm sitting in my room hoping my roommate will leave. haha i don't mean that in a mean way. i have nothing against him just when you become accustomed to living alone, it's weird to have someone else around. last year i lived alone and all of last semester he worked lots. hello shouldn't his work be resuming soon?

almost famous.

if you never take it seriously, you never get hurt.
if you never get hurt, you always have fun.

three hours.

soo i have a class in an hour. three hour night class. i'm excited for the class but reallly three hours is soooo long. plus i'm sick so i dunno how well that'll go over. i'm exhausted and just had a nap but you know when you're sick you're just always tired. plus i might add that it's supposed to be minus 38 tonight.

it's the simple things.

it's funny how something as simple as a cd can entirely change the way someone looks at you.

off to an interesting start.

well i just read my first english assignment. it was about fattening up children until the age of one in which case they will be sold and slaughtered like pigs to be fed to the people of ireland. it will solve hunger and poverty problems. it was really weird and completely fucked.
check it out it's only like a 5-10 minute read. 

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1080/1080-h/1080-h.htm

can you feel this magic in the air?

you told me i was pretty when i looked like a mess.

ten plus two.

he wants me to visit and cook for him and in return we're gonna cuddle. how incredible does that sound! there's nothing better than laying in the arms of the boy you love.

whatever floats your boat.

alright i know it's mormon country down here but soooo many people in university are married. it's absolutely nuts. like a swear half of this class was married. and i'm sitting there thinking, i'm nineteen years old. no thank you to marriage yet. i don't have anything against getting married this young except that you have a higher divorce rate, but i just couldn't fathom being married at nineteen. don't get me wrong, when i'm in my 5th year or shortly after i'd be okay to get married. i'd like to be married by 25 but not 20 thank you.

the reformation.

soo i'm trying to get into this history class. it sounds pretty interesting. it's all about the reformation and it's got a pretty neat assignment. i went to the class today just to see what it was about. nc (number 12's sister) wants me to take it with her only neither of us are in it. and i'm trying to figure out what class to drop if i get into this one. i want to take this one now because i'd really like a class with her before she graduates which may be in a year and a half or maybe two years i'm not quite sure but most of her classes will be management so this is kind of my last chance. i suppose we'll see. i just hope someone drops this class. or a few people.

this is what happens when i have class at 8am

ohhh my gosh! i got aquafina lip chap today finallllyy. and yes i know what you're thinking, "isn't that a water company"? and you are correct but it makes the most incredible lip chap and i'm so excited.

every time i hear your name.

i get caught in the

'you were the only one for me'.

i can't explain but i'm in that place.

when i hear your name i feel rain falling right out of the blue sky. and it's the fifth of may and i'm right there staring in your eyes. and nothing's changed and we're still the same and i get lost in the innocence of the first kiss and i'm hanging on to every word rolling off of your lips. and that's all it takes and i'm in that place.

you never seem to run out of things to say.

this is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the
whole world. and well she looks so sad in photographs,
 i absolutely love her when she smiles.

something in common.

"the thing about her is it's really hard for her to let her guard down. but once she does, she has this incredible heart".